Like every lady who had just lost her precious baby, I just wish I could move on as quickly as possible and never look back.
This marathon against time never fail to make me feel helpless, as I always seem to be at the losing end. How much more time do I have? 3 years maybe? Or 4 at most? If only I could turn back time and never delayed getting married and trying to have a family...
My blood test on Saturday (30/11/2013) at 4w6d after the dilation and curettage ("d&c") came back with a hCG level of 28 mIU/ml. I'm somewhat relieved that it's dropping continuously despite Dr Chung's concern that there could be an infection as I have not stopped spotting/bleeding since the d&c on 28/10/2013. He will see me again on Thursday (5/12/2013) and decide whether I will require another d&c to clear the mass of "tissues" in my womb. Dr Chung couldn't really conclude if the mass, still visible from the scan, was leftover products of conception or a growth of some sort. One thing for sure, it hasn't shrunk a tiny bit since the previous scan on Tuesday (26/11/2013).
The funny thing was, I believed my menses came on Saturday itself! I started to have dull cramps very similar to those during my menses and the bleed became heavier too. I'm still having the cramps now. Fingers (and toes!) crossed for a clean flush-out of whatever remains in my womb with this "menses".
I desperately need to move on...
"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us."
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